one of the lessons of this lifetime for me is to become comfortable with not knowing. I like knowing. I like, at least, thinking that I know or might know soon. I like taking action toward knowing- collecting, investigating, cogitating, distilling, proposing, assembling, considering…. I like feeling like I know (or might soon know) what… Read More
Yesterday’s gentle intention was met with immediate universal tests of my resolve– unexpected and provocative information coming in about this BIG TOPIC and that one….things that have been consuming my attention, that I’d finally given myself permission (an edict) to let rest for the moment. I watched myself rise up in a swirling mass of… Read More
today my full intention is this: to be present in each moment, and call myself back gently each time I run ahead with worry about the future near or far, or find myself drawn into the mire of memory or regret or rehash … my focus here is mindfully twofold: intention recognizing this will be a… Read More
I think there is something to this process, of dismantling, of needing to come to a full halt and reconsider it is as if it is a necessary part of the journey the impasse the moment when you realize you cannot go back, but are not ready (do not have all you need) to go… Read More
so I realized I am choosing to complicate my life setting deadlines rushing towards shoulds of my own making feeling increasingly sporadically frantic, like I am not going to make it on time, when, it’s true, I am just simply not. so here’s the big question: so what? I never asked myself, so what? or… Read More
feeling my way through this is like navigating in the dark, edges ringed by prickery dissonance, by feelings of not this rather than this feeling my way by moving into discomfort, learning to trust the fact of my own discomfort, that yes, it is there, that yes, it is discomfort and then waiting for the… Read More
what do you write? what could possibly sum up an existence? hint at the immense, complex, wondrous, wholeness of a person? what words can capture any of us? our struggles and triumphs, the accumulation of ordinary miracles and magic that come from opening doors and offering smiles, the laughter that falls like rain. we spend… Read More
a few years ago, I wrote on my other blog about a hike I took up the steep path that makes my heart beat so fast I can hear nothing else, up past the old fallen down shack, along the stone wall, the sudden opening at the top to an overlook…up high along the ridge… Read More
There is a thicket of history and habit and self story thorny and tangled choked and dense it pulls at my clothes, catches and nicks my skin as I work my way through, slow work, salty and stinging But I am clearing, I am. my mind tries to attach a picture, of a garden… Read More
This is how complex grief plays out, 10 years later: a 9 hour drive, 400 miles 2 strangers in pick up trucks: 1 angel in carharts wielding a tape measure, 1 blue eyed artist wielding a tape measure perhaps one last time before a move to cambodia a 5 x 10 plot of land purchased, somewhere… Read More
