“I wish I had a clever name for this, this blue funk that happens just after a mild rush toward selfness. I get this feeling of AH, things are Coming Together, and that is often followed by a time of increased tenderness, increased feelings of loneliness, of otherness, of oddness… of being outside myself a little…
as if, in the act of centering, i slingshot myself out again into the wild dark.” I wonder, does this happen to you too?
6 thoughts on “otherness and the wild dark”
The ongoing search for what comprises the “otherness” that you spoke of a year or so ago–a glimpse of an obscure image (a’ha) followed by opacity, real blueness, oceanic blueness, deep, unfathomable, unreachable, therefore frustrating, demoralizing, depressing. So close, so far.
Yes! It is such a rich place, but so lonely too. I wish I could embrace this process more joyfully, and with more trust. Sort of like i do when I am writing or painting. There is nearly always a horrible mess before clarity. and sometimes it just needs to be painted over/started over, but the process is one of joy and trust. If I can learn to apply that same patience, that same trust, that same knowing that this too is part of the process, I would be fine with a more joyful acceptance of the acute otherness. how about you?
I’ve learned to live with otherness I suppose, and find solace in some of my internal conversations among my interior selves–memory, perception and observation, flashes of insight, dream and reflection. Not a tidy process and never ending, it appears.
Kate, John K here. First an example: as a wheel. like a dryer, that is not rotating around its center, there’s a terrible wobble and there’s nothing that can be done about it, except to get to your, or its, centered. Once it is on its center there’s no wobble – all is good and it stays good. I’ve heard that description of meditation, centering yourself, and I think it’s true. the center is to be enlightened which is no small trick and one I’ve yet to learn. I’ve had moments of clarity and incredible conscious calm but none that lasted.
Perhaps the best, but least razzle-dazzle name for this funk is Life. Consider the possibility you are progressing swiftly if you find no time to rest in the new you emerging. Onwards to the next greatest version wanting to unfold before the last one completed. There is no end and so no beginning. Touch none, be all.
Yes! in these moments sometimes my best creations are made. While the otherness is awaking and drags me down into the dark sea……along with the energy of what is in the world – best medicine is to try to lift your head up and look at the sky, shift the energy to that positive space- its a cycle that leads to the centering game. One feeds the other –