there is an ebb and flow to my creative process
a frenzy of ideas and either a frenzy of action
a time of doubt
it does not matter how many times I ride this ride, it always surprises me when doubt kicks in with its big censoring eraser, its rolling eyes and sighing exasperation.
“who are you?” it asks, “who are you to create this thing?” (no doubt, it says, already created a hundred billion times over by others more skilled, more qualified)
sometimes I shrug it off, sometimes I cave, sometimes it slows me to a crawl, sometimes I run at it, arms waving, or sneak by treating it all (that which I am creating) as “no big deal” to sneak under the radar, all while my heart is pounding with how big a deal it is to me.
workshop prep continues apace (fits and starts, in between this and that, in my dream time, in the time I should be dreaming)
complete with doubt and sighs and shrugs and whispers
all the while my heart is pounding with how big a deal this is to me.