grief opens grief like a window like a can opener stirs silt from the bottom shakes loose parts newly or incompletely mended rattles around, making noisy messes, reminding me acutely of things that hurt to remember. As I think about the brilliance lost in Robin William’s heartbreaking choice, I think too about the losses we… Read More
The theme for me, for these past few years anyway, has been about home. Finding it, creating it, losing it, redefining it… Yesterday (was it only yesterday?) I drove Doug past the house I used to share with Jeff. I had not been past in daylight. I had not been past in a decade, actually,… Read More
waking to a flat cloudy sky the long dark morning of late fall, the slowest dawn a stillness it hits me that it was not a dream my grandparents used to live on long island sound, on a bluff with a view out over the water. one cold winter, the sound froze. and where there… Read More
Being with a being who is dying is profound. I have dealt with life. I have dealt, on some level, with the aftermath of death. But I have never dealt with, been with, allowed myself to contemplate the process, the fact of dying. I am tender in the tenderest ways. Teary and broken open. Wanting… Read More
day 3 of our homeopathic hail mary for Finn and we are holding even as far as I can see from out here. I have journeyed to explore in there, and the innerspace is respectfully held off limits, and so I stay, out here, witnessing only what I can witness which is stasis. now that… Read More
there are times when I walk that the light changes and suddenly magic is happening. tonight, about an hour after the sun set, I was walking with Della and there was a shift in the light and suddenly every orange and yellow leaf was aglow, every tea colored fallen pine needle, every changing vine, every… Read More
I am losing Finn. Advanced kidney failure, and rapid decline. My heart is breaking, broken. He is only 7, barely mature for a cat… and I am stunned by this news, nearly breathless with it. A day with a bite of food makes my hopes soar. And then, today, a quiet day, where he looks… Read More
today is about leaving space for new things to emerge, new possibilities and ideas, new options, new visions, new imaginings. today began with profound stillness, a dark foggy morning, a road winding through leaves changing into glorious gold. now a wind advisory and clouds in layers and layers, and leaves flinging themselves around and a… Read More
Some journeys are about destinations, and others, well, are about the journeying. This past week was all about journeying. Transitions. In betweennesses. It was about jet lag and homesickness, it was about identity and confidence. It was about transforming *this* into *that*, an alchemy I did not think possible. I am working on a workshop… Read More
Driving up route 145 north out of colebrook, you’d pass Dostie’s furniture on the right. A long low building sided in vertical boards of a medium blue. Tune up shops, trailers and homes fall away quickly as the road heads uphill faster than you can downshift. The drive takes you up one… Read More
