mindful writing, January 24

caught in a very in-the-moment riptide of anxiety these past four days– hijacked into a crazy that I detest beyond description… a place of total powerlessness and fear

that powerlessness, that acute vulnerability… lessons in awareness and soft underbellies and gentle heartedness toward myself, hard won, people, hard won. I am not so good at some things that feel as if they should be easy, should be second nature by now.

self care, self awareness, self compassion. all things I preach, but like the cobbler with barefeet, my feet, my soul, is bare.

such good lessons here, but such a wave of relieved exhaustion too.

I am relieved. I am bone-deep soul-deep exhausted. 

so tonight is about my white twinkle lights reflecting in the window glass

and it is about me, reflecting, and holding myself gently in that space between.

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