I woke from the unexpected nap under a sleeping child, neck bent awkwardly,emotions bent awkwardly
a blue I have not been able to shake since waking.*
if this were my blue, i would medicate, it is that untenable, that unbearable. it is not even a chocolate blue, or a hoolahoop blue, it is the anti chocolate, the anti hoolahoop, it is the blue that steals all motivation, knowledge and willingness for self care. it is the soul stealing blue.
so I cut up a cucumber, mindful of the peeling of the skin, the disks of green like mini stained glass windows
and I ate it with balsamic and a red bell pepper
beating back the blue with red and green
may I be well
may I be happy
may I be free of struggle
may we all be well
may we all be happy
may we all be free of struggle
* I have a theory that sometimes I am just functional almost by habit, and when the rhythms of habit get broken but an unexpected nap, the immensity of the accumulated deprivation falls down like a dam breaking, and it feels overwhelming because it is, and I feel overwhelmed because i am, and the structure I use to work/live/be needs to be rebuilt. may we all be free of struggle. yes, yes. me too.
2 thoughts on “mindful writing, day 4, blue”
I understand how you feel, as I have encountered that as well. Bright & light are what to focus on.
It is good that you are always loved and needed and unique – even though you (and everyone else) cannot always be happy and well and free of struggle.