the sound of voices in the next room, the rise and fall of conversation
warmth of the heater turned on under my desk
the sound of fingers on keys, and the creak of something as the desk rocks under my arms
the hard stool, oh, that sounds bad, the backless chair on which I am sitting. middle aged spread moved the padding from the helpful places to the unhelpful, and I am aware.
the snow outside, the darkest gray
my fairy lights, white reflecting white in the window glass
and me, writing, at long last
***
I am beginning this as a practice… not daily but as many days as I open to it, an act of awareness, of mindfulness, of true lovingkindness toward my Self, my Heart, my Spirit.
may I be well, may I be happy, may I be free of struggle
may we all be well, may we all be happy, may we all be free of struggle
Absolutely love the pictures of your precious Della dancing w/ such a glow on her face. Even better was to see both her mama and her daddy, in tutu, dancing w/ her! It’s surely obvious that little girl’s physical and emotional needs are being met! The Stone family is not well-versed in attending to emotional needs. In fact, those of us who had a lot of contact w/ them, learned that our emotional needs were basically weaknesses that needed to be compartmentalized & stored away to not be addressed, except in emergency situations. It’s not only that stoic, mountain pride, it’s a disregard for anyone except the members of the Syndicate whose judgements reigned supreme in their own minds. Resli has a more positive view on them, but I spent quite a lot of time w/ them from the 80’s when Dot & Ross moved back in the home place until the eventual deaths of all but Sarah Bess. What I heard across the kitchen table was, often, shocking and vile. They did not recognize that others have feelings & failed to treat them respectfully if they found something that violated their strict moral code. Most of the second & third generation received several doses of their criticism at one time or another. You & your sister, least of all! Of course, they were wonderfully generous, kind, loved all their relatives, wished everyone the best, tried to maintain relationships w/ all the succeeding generations & did things to help ensure pride in their family. That is
That is a snapshot of my experience & I guess, for my generation, I was probably around all of them more than most anyone.
I’m most interested in mindfulness & look forward to your writings!
Hi sweet Connie! I am *so lucky*– in so many ways. I love this comment from you, not for the sadness, but for the content- I felt, always, that my kentucky family was on a distant planet. I remember complete discomfort at Ruby’s house, but nothing but warm welcome on the hill (buckeyes!)– but I was little, too. And decidedly an outsider. Did their discomfort increase with age? Or was it always there? I am blessed with Doug, and blessed to be parenting with him for every seen and unseen reason. Tutus, yes, but also the very deep desire to parent well, attentively, and by being as present as possible as often as possible. I’ll write a bit more about mindfulness, and love that you are here. With love, Kate