finding myself lost

on the way home today, a day early, uncomfortable with all choices (staying, going)… I was near enough home so I decided to turn up a never traveled road, and drive by a place that may soon become a frequent destination. In my mind I knew where the road went– up the steep hill past the site in question, then around a bend, along a ridge peppered with beautiful wide high meadows and farms, and finally, down a long hill to catch up to the main road closer to home, behind a springwater bottling plant.

In reality, the road dropped down to one bumpy lane, then to a dirt road with trees arching over, then add two rogue Weimaraners who circled and circled my ever slowing car, impeding and worrying the driver (ME), and then, finally, a dead end, complete with boulders.

Turning around and back, I did not retrace my steps, oh no. No, I turned toward the north on a different road fully expecting that it would connect back up with the main road but…


twists and turns and dirt again and this time a road literally gone, gone gone, torn up and under construction, so I turned around again

and then did I retrace my steps? no

I followed another road, and another, and turned again miles later, and found myself facing the same torn up road.

This time, waved on by construction guys, I found myself following a grader, then needed to back up for a hundred yards or more when it suddenly reversed as if I was not there…

then, back on pavement, an hour later

I actually laughed.

To my credit I did try to use my GPS in my brand new phone, but there was no signal and so not only did it briefly flash No Signal, but then it shut itself down in some sort of petulant sulk, and


So what did I learn?
The road does not necessarily go where I think it does.

Backtracking is not always the worst option.

Forging ahead is not always the worst option either, as long as you are willing to deal with roads that end suddenly or slowly, big machines that you are following faithfully reversing direction, not at all watching out for you…

and the uncertainty of time and place (where am I? when will I get back to familiar territory?)

Ahhh uncertainty. Uncertainty with a side of Weimaraners.

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One thought on “finding myself lost

  1. this piece of writing really resonated with me Kate. Simple but very powerful, and an experience I have had recently too. The Big machine of love not knowing or watching out for its “users”…
    I thought love was the machine, but Love is the road Kate, Love is the road and the contact it makes with my feet. It ends, it begins, its bumpy, its smooth, and always there for us to choose, or not.

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