Ebb and flow

Navigating gently as I can through these late spring days

Trying to feel my way through

This is a transitional time for me, schedule changes, family shifts as summer comes and my darlin’ left for camp. New patterns must be created, new coping skills, new treasures found, new rhythms… Ebb and flow, and trusting, trying to trust the gifts in each…

I am busier with compression of work into fewer days, and fewer hours.  I am needing to relearn focus, relearn singularity, relearn trust that ideas will keep themselves until I have a moment to sink into them or follow them down a wild tangled path.

In this uncertain time of newness, I am finding an intense resurgence of self doubt, of old behaviors, of quick-knee-jerk-self-sabotage…reflexive and deeply unnerving. Undermining. Depleting.

So, for the next 100 days, the days of the summer schedule, of dislocated family, of travel, of discomfort, of dearth of downtime, I will need to really watch myself, be compassionate with my Selves, old and new, the ones that are worried about failing, or Failing. 

I took a Reiki class last weekend, levels 1 and 2, and am finding my hands on my heart a million times a day. Instinctive…

And with each mindful breath, even if only one or two, trying to balance hope and discomfort.  I need some self coaching time, so monday afternoon, a Reiki session and perhaps some time before to get reacquainted with the parts of me that feel supportive rather than doubt-ridden.

So in this moment, I am hopeful, but watchful.  Layers of clouds, blue sky, shadow and sun after days of rain.

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3 thoughts on “Ebb and flow

  1. You can do it, hon. Be kind to yourself, revel and dance in the beautiful moments that come, and string them together into the chain that will create your summer. *hugs*

  2. The ‘old’ self always emerges from the depths in times of stress and uncertainty. Tricky to navigate for sure! Self-care is so difficult during busy times, when it’s the most needed. Focus on the small things that give you happiness and strength (i.e. a few pages of your favourite book, a cup of chamomile tea, and yes, deep breathes!) The reiki sounds like it will be really comforting as well. I’m rooting for you! 🙂

  3. You may find, as I often have, that confusion-chaos-angst-uncertainty-unbalance are the fertilizer required for the biggest growth spurts–with blossoms galore emerging from plants you never knew existed. xox Pa

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