Yesterday’s gentle intention was met with immediate universal tests of my resolve– unexpected and provocative information coming in about this BIG TOPIC and that one….things that have been consuming my attention, that I’d finally given myself permission (an edict) to let rest for the moment.
I watched myself rise up in a swirling mass of responses to the incoming information, feeling, somehow, that I must take action, must think, consider, act, decide…NOW
I watched myself have big familiar emotional reactions as the hooks sank in, barbed home, pulled…. imperatives: must, should, ought
and then, slowly, over the course of the afternoon, I watched myself slowly unknot again, as I reminded myself (over and over and over a million times over) that I did not, actually, in fact, need to take any action whatsoever in this moment, or this one, or this one or this one or this one
and while this turned out to be a full time job, feeling myself getting hooked and rehooked, unhooking, getting hooked, unhooking, it was a pretty impressive case study in perseveration vs mindful release
I love your mind and its machinations and am glad you’re not in Machiavelli’s shoes – that would be too keen a mind bent on the use of power. I’m struck with the UnZen, like the perambulating UnDead, internal dialogue though. I’ve been meditating, or more properly practicing meditation, for 30 years to quiet these thoughts. I’m at my best when I simply respond “thoughtlessly” in almost every situation – my heart and intuition guide me better than any GPS I’ve ever owned. When I interfere I’m a judgmental hard-ass and then it’s back to my cushion.