bow wave

there is a moment in conjuring where a blissful AH HA! comes — sometimes quietly, sometimes with a roar, but there is this moment, when ahhhhhhhhh an IDEA, an offering, a theme, a project, emerges from the primordial muck and 






and then, facebook and my inbox bring me messages of cool and wonderful folks doing something similar, offering something similar, thinking similar thoughts, doing it better and bigger and with big audiences and the gravitas of previous successes, sold out retreats and workshops, email lists that have thousands of members…

two options, right?: say YAY, I’m on the right track!  I’m surfing an energetic bow wave!…or Boo, someone (more visible, better, more popular, more connected, more authoritative) has already offering somethingsimilar, so now if I develop and offer my vision, my version, my interpretation, it will seem like copying…. like emulation, not like the organic, sincere expression of kateness that it was…

I wish I could say that I go with option 1. But really, option 2 is the one that bites me. I feel my own creativity shut down. I backslide. I do not often have the momentum to push forward *anyway*.

So– I am sitting with this, witnessing it. Witnessing both my own rise and fall. The wow, this is so cool, part (OOOOO I like that part so much) and the DAMN, I missed the boat part (not so fun, and not so accurate, either, right?)… Just working on witnessing.

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