Painting a new way of being

So, I am taking an intuitive painting e-course by Flora Bowley. The course is officially over, but I am working on week 4 of 5 content, since my time is not wide open.

I have painted alone, in the morning, in the evening, with Della and Doug, with Della, with Della next to me, with Della hanging on me, with Della painting next to me or asking  to help me or helping.

Today I painted over something I hated and it felt *so liberating* to let go of what was not working, and not able to work with me, where I am right now and my current skill set. I could not transform it into what I was imagining so I let it go. Wow. Let it go.

I’ve been following the course more closely than you might imagine, knowing me. I already paint, and have painted for years. This way, that way, my way and ways… I have never taken painting lessons, tend toward the quite abstracted, and have my own intuitive way into my work.

I remove a lot of paint in my “way” and the way of Flora’s teaching it in adding. Layers and layers and layers of color, tone, texture, and the results are maddening and suprising and sometimes so lovely. Wow colors accidentally coinciding and causing intensity. Layers combining into something mysterious. I have really let go of how “I DO THINGS” and have had so much fun making messes, trusting they will not last forever. And you know what? They don’t, They transform. I transform them. I rotate and step back and move without thinking and reassess. I make ugly messes and then surprising things that I would never have been able to make consciously/deliberately. There is loveliness in the accidental nature of this, in the looseness, in the non-plan.

These days internally are about a lot of reflection and allowing. I suppose, trusting the crazy ugly messes will not last, so not focusing just on those.

A million years ago when I was learning how to ride a motorcycle, I learned through experience we drive toward where we are looking. SO look where you want to go, not where you want to avoid going…  and this process is surprisingly like that. I can rework ugly or I can go over to that section there, the one in the corner with the light peeking through, and focus on that.

I am not sure how this class will inform my painting, but I already know how it is informing my being.  I am learning to trust the mess a little more– not for what it is, but for what it can become if I let it go.

Here’s the link to the next round of the course. Be prepared to get messy in every way, and see what happens when you let go of How You Do It. Possibilities emerge.

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