So, in thinking of forgiveness, I got to thinking about self compassion. And how incredibly it hard it is to extend to ourselves the same compassion we would extend to almost anyone else.
In that light, I wanted to share something with you here that I came up with for my journaling e-workshop–a short but powerful exercise in self-compassion. I’ll be posting this as a free exercise at some point soon to make it easier to revisit.
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Compassion
I’ve noticed that often we extend immense compassion and understanding to those we love and care about (and even to strangers). We often let others off the hook, recognize their efforts and their successes, we support, we cheerlead, we celebrate. And by contrast, often we look at ourselves critically, impatiently, and with such high and often un-meetable expectations. We do not offer ourselves the same compassion, the same support, the same celebration. We KNOW we could have done better. It is a land rife with YesButs and shoulds and oughts.
If you’re up for it, I’d like for you to begin by connecting to how you feel—spend a few moments taking a few long, slow, deep breaths. Pay attention to how your body feels as you do this. Pay attention to how you are feeling heart-wise as well. Take note of both your physical and emotional landscapes.
When you’re ready, I invite you to spend the next 5-10 minutes writing a letter to yourself as if you are a dear friend. It may start slowly, but don’t worry. As your critic butts in, ask him or her to shush. Just keep on track- ask yourself if you were a dear friend of yours, what would you want to say to that person? Step back and see the whole picture of where they are and what they are experiencing. What encouragement would you want to offer? What support is needed? What understanding? What celebrations are in order? What acknowledgments? If this person needs it, let them know they are not alone, that things will be ok, or that things will resolve. Acknowledge what is hard. Celebrate what is going well. When you are done, sign off kindly.
When this is complete for you, take some breaths and notice how you feel. Write about how you feel now compared to when you began. Do you feel more compassion toward “this friend”? Did it bring calm or dredge up things-better-ignored? Did it give you a moment of perspective that was different than your usual I-should-be-doing-better? Did it give you a break, momentarily, from your shoulds?
See how this felt for you, and go ahead and journal about it if that feels right. The exercise is really two-fold (as they all are really)—there is the exercise itself, and then there is your response to it. See if you can give yourself a few minutes to take note of how you’re feeling.
